Two Months
maybe that's what it is
Dear Reader,
Young adulthood is quite complicated, because why has April started haunting me all of a sudden? Some part of me now feels so distant that even I fail to recognise or recover it. Dear reader, I sometimes have this disgusting feeling—why must growing up be such a painful act? Why do I feel ugly when I look in the mirror, or when I glance at my hands I think about all the wasted potential?
My constant despair and anxiety never really left the table after my 15th birthday. In the years that followed, I made myself believe it was just a bad dream. But even if a bad dream returns so often, shouldn’t one be concerned about it?
My mother would argue differently, though.
Dear reader, whenever I saw an adult as a child, I thought they had so much control over their life, that they had it all figured out. But now that I’m almost twenty, just two months away, I realize that maybe growing up means realizing you don’t magically gain the control you thought you would have as a kid. You have to fight for it. You can not always be in the backseat of your car. And perhaps, that’s what adulthood truly sums up to.
I remember being in my early twenties and looking at my hands thinking of the wasted potential just like you.
Fact is, you’re likely not gonna have it all “together” even 10 years from now but there’s a special kind of fun in that cause that ultimately means you’re not turning into a fossil. It’s boring having it all figured out!